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Height of miscommunication! Laughter Guaranteed

This is a short story written by Dr Kishore Shah….he is a gynaecologist in Pune and a very gifted writer….enjoy this extremely funny story .My wife is an ENT Surgeon while I am a Gynaecologist. This can lead to some complications, as I recently learned to my anguish. A General Practitioner called me up and told me that she is sending a patient of hers for an abortion. Unknown to me, she had also referred a female with earwax for removal of the wax to my wife.

I duly informed the receptionist to send the patient right in as she was expected (and expecting!) As Murphy lays down the laws of our hospital, it was but natural that the patient who wanted the wax removed from her ear, landed up with me. This is the conversation that I had with the patient.

“Please come in. Be seated.” I said with a big smile. I always have a big smile, when I am going to earn some money. The patient gave a feeble smile and sat hesitantly on the edge of the chair. “Relax.”

“Doctor, will this hurt a lot?”

“Not at all.”

The patient relaxed visibly. “You know something, Doctor, we tried removing it at home, but failed.”

I was shocked. “Thank God. Trying this at home can cause serious complications.”

“I first tried to remove it by jumping up and down, but it just wouldn’t budge.”

I smiled and said, “If it were that easy, who would need doctors?”

She gave a cute smile and said, “Yeah! My neighbour tried to remove it with his finger, but the hole is so small that he used a hair pin.”

“Oh my God!”

“Yes! My mother even tried a matchstick.”

My blood pressure was shooting skywards. I just sputtered without uttering a word.

“Tell me, doctor, how do I avoid getting this dirt inside me?”

I knew that it was an unwanted pregnancy, but calling it dirt was too much. I replied a bit angrily, “There are tablets which can prevent this happening. Or you could use protection at night.”

Now it was the patient’s turn to be confused, “You mean to say that it happens only at night?”

I saw her point. “No! No! I meant anytime of the day, whenever you are in the mood, you should use protection.”

She was even more confused, “It depends on my moods?”

Again I saw her point. “My mistake. You need not be in any sort of mood. It just happens.”

“My neighbour advised me to go to one of those chaps who sit by the roadside.”

“You mean that pin man?”

“Yeah!”

This neighbour of hers seemed to be a very dangerous man. Besides using pins, he was sending her to such quacks. The only safety he knew was
among the pins. “You were wise not to heed his advice.”

“But I tried his other advice. He told me to put warm oil inside and wait. However, that also did not work.”

This was getting more and more bizarre. Her neighbour deserved to be locked up either in a padded cell or a barred one. “But have you taken your husband’s permission?”

Now the patient looked confused. “Do I have to take my husband’s permission? Because if you need his sign, he is working in Dubai. We were not able to meet for the last one year.”

It was my turn to be shocked. I gave a sly smirk. It was one of ‘those’ cases. The pin-wielding neighbour seemed to me the usual suspect. I reassured her. “No! No! The husband’s sign is not at all needed.”

“However, I did inform him on phone.”

Her husband seemed to me a very broad-minded fellow. I didn’t know whether to congratulate her or to commiserate with her. So I hastily turned to other aspects. “Its good that you came a bit early.”

“Actually I wanted to come early in the morning, but I had some other work.”

“Oh! I did not mean early today. I meant that if you had delayed this removal, it would have started moving. Then it would have developed a heartbeat.”

The patient was staring at me wide eyed as if watching a horror movie. Looking at her face, I decided that she was not fit to listen to the grotesque details. I decided to relieve her a bit. I said, “You will bleed a bit, but only for a few days.”

By now, the poor patient was trembling, “how-H-How much bleeding?”

“Oh, only slightly more than your menstrual period, and it will continue only for a week or so.”

By now the patient was clutching her hair in her fingers and staring at me wide-eyed. I asked her soothingly, “Why don’t you lie down on the
examination table? Remove your clothes and relax.”

This was the final straw. She didn’t even wish me goodbye. I saw just a blur of motion leaving my consulting room at top speed.

What women want…

For all u guys who are married or intending to marry
in near future.
Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the
monarch of a neighboring kingdom. The monarch could
have killed him but was moved by Arthur’s youth and
ideals. So, the monarch offered him his freedom, as
long as he could answer a very difficult question.
Arthur would have a year to figure out the answer and,
If after a year, he still had no answer, he would be
put to death. The question was: What do women really
want?

Such a question would perplex even the most
knowledgeable man, And to young Arthur, it seemed an
impossible query. But, since it was better than death,
He accepted the monarch’s proposition to have an
answer by year’s end. He returned to his kingdom and
began to poll everyone: The princess, the priests, the
wise men, and even the court jester. He spoke with
everyone, but no one could give him a satisfactory
answer. Many people advised him to consult the old
witch, For only she would have the answer.

But the price would be high as the witch was famous
through out the Kingdom >>for the exorbitant prices
she charged. The last day of the year arrived and
Arthur had no choice but to talk to the witch. She
agreed to answer the question, but he would have to
agree to her price first. The old witch wanted to
marry Sir Lancelot, The most noble of the Knights of
the Round Table, And Arthur’s closest friend!

Young Arthur was horrified. She was hunch-backed and
hideous, had only one tooth, Smelled like sewage, made
obscene noises, etc. He had never encountered such a
repugnant creature in all his life. He refused to
force his friend to marry her and endure such a
terrible burden, But Lancelot, having learnt of the
proposal, spoke with Arthur. He said nothing was too
big of a sacrifice compared to Arthur’s life. And the
preservation of the Round Table.

Hence, a wedding was proclaimed and the witch
answered. Arthur’s question thus: “What a woman really
wants?” She said, “Is to be in charge of her own
life.” Everyone in the kingdom instantly knew that the
witch had uttered a great truth. And that Arthur’s
life would be spared. And so it was. The neighboring
monarch granted Arthur his freedom. And Lancelot and
the witch had a wonderful wedding.

The honeymoon hour approached and, Lancelot, steeling
himself for a horrific experience, entered the
bedroom. But, what a sight awaited him. The most
beautiful woman he had ever seen lay before him on the
bed. The astounded Lancelot asked what had happened.
The beauty replied that since he had been so kind to
her when she appeared as a witch, She would henceforth
be her horrible and deformed self only half the time.
And the beautiful maiden the other half. “Which would
you prefer? She asked him. “Beautiful during the day
… or at night?”

Lancelot pondered the predicament. During the day he
could have a beautiful woman to show off to his
friends, But at night, in the privacy of his castle,
an old witch! Or, Would he prefer having a hideous
witch during the day? But by night a beautiful woman
for him to enjoy with?

(If you are a man reading this…) What would YOUR
choice be?
(If you are a woman reading this?) What would YOUR
MAN’S choice be?
What Lancelot chose, is given below:
BUT… make YOUR choice before you scroll down
below…OKAY?

Noble Lancelot, knowing the answer the witch gave
Arthur to his question, He said that he would allow
HER to make the choice herself. Upon hearing this, she
announced that she would be beautiful all the time.
Because, he had respected her enough to let her be in
charge of her own life.
Now… what is the moral to this story?

The moral is…
1) There is witch in every woman no matter how beautiful she is!
2) If you don’t let a woman have her own way, things are going to get ugly.

So, always remember: IT’S EITHER “HER WAY” OR IT’S “NO WAY” !!!

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